War of the Roaches (Part 3) – battle plans

The day after the cockroaches had declared war on us be re-enacting Pearl Harbour on Mark’s naked torso we convened a war council. The decision was unanimous. It was war and we would not rest until our enemy was defeated and a true peace had been won. Our plan of battle was to fight on three fronts: the bed, the bedroom and the bathroom. Calling on the heir to Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, Wikipedia, we researched the cockroach’s weaknesses. The Vegas Roach trap would be a key line in our attack. Consisting of glass jar filled with an inch of used coffee grounds and placed against a wall, the roach trap works by attracting its prey into the jar where, the glass walls being too smooth for the cockroaches crampon like legs to get purchase on, they wait to be removed. Our second line of attack consisted of a jumbo sized can of cockroach spray, the kind that is probably illegal in England because it causes birth defects or cancer. (Note to self: persuade Mark to visit the doctor. His dramatic hair loss is worrying.) We doused the key areas of our room, paying extra attention to the bathroom drain. Our final preparation was to cover the legs of our beds in a thin layer of Vaseline, making them cockroach proof. Satisfied and exhausted from our elaborate efforts, Mark and I reclined in the off white mist of the insect repellent, laughing manically at our cunning and the affects of the killer spray.